


Beneath Weary Moons

by everything_tony_feared



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 21:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13749645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everything_tony_feared/pseuds/everything_tony_feared
Summary: Every night JARVIS would calm him from his terrors. Then one night, JARVIS walked. He walked from the tower with his own body and mind, and now Tony Stark is truly alone. Somehow, it felt more like Jay had died than been born. One shot. Angst.





	Beneath Weary Moons

**Author's Note:**

> This is an edited and slightly modified version of BWM that I posted on my tumblr some months back (everything-tony-feared.tumblr.com). Tumblr isn't quite the place for this type of writing but I still wanted to share it. I'm thinking maybe a collection of similiar fics, centered on individual Avengers. Cap, Nat, Bruce, Bucky, and Darcy would be really fun. Although sad. And I know Darcy isn't an Avemger but she honestly feels like one of the most relatable characters in MCU. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I'm feeling a bit better mentally so I'm trying to take advantage of that and be productive writing-wise.
> 
> Song: Hurt - Johnny Cash (Logan Version)

First he had been stabbed in the heart.

A rocket carved guilt into his chest, forever marring him as a dead man walking.

So, he shut down Stark Industries' weapons division. And that meant his _'friends'_ were suddenly busy, and his _'fans'_ were tweeting death threats. Minor things, he guessed. The real hurt came from seeing how many of them were faking it, not that _they_   _themselves_  were fakes.

Still, sometimes.. it made Tony wonder if, despite it being an attempted assassination, it counted as self harm. Helen had offered, multiple times, to extract the shrapnel grating against his heart. Stephen had insisted and offered his supervision. But he could not. The pain barely registered most days. Little more than a niggling irritation; small sparks to remind him that, yes, he is alive. 

Then Obie had  _betrayed_  him. 

His own godfather, uncle figure, mentor..

Tried to kill him.

Made him look like an idiot, a fool, and literally torn his heart (sort of..) from his chest. Realistically it had started well before then, but his blissful ignorance was a sort of barbed comfort blanket. He wanted it back if it meant his life would be.. would be  _normal_  again.

He thought he'd seen everything then.

And then of course everyone else tried to kill him. People he'd never heard of. People he had. Some weren't surprising; Justin Hammer always had been a weasel of a man.

Pepper, too, had nearly died.

God, the thought of her in pain- of her falling, screaming, and the fear in her eyes. Never before had he experienced such abject terror. When she left him, Tony couldn't blame her. It was just another star to adorn her strengths and smarts. 

" _I'm sorry_ ," she croaked, dabbing her eyes. Pepper couldn't look at him but Tony couldn't tear his eyes away from her. " _I just can't, Tony. I **can't.**  I'm so afraid- that I'll lose you, or you'll get hurt. Sometimes I worry for myself, too. It's all too much. But I love you, Anthony Stark-_"

Everything after that blurred.

Sure, Pepper was right. Hell, she was more than right. When wasn't she. Not one day passed when any of them couldn't help but wonder if it would be the last. And while Rogers and Romanov seemed to thrive on it, Tony drank and Pepper took anti-anxiety pills.

They weren't trained for bullets and spies. They knew boardroom warfare, sabotage, and political espionage. In some ways it felt like a superiority. The Avengers couldn't navigate a shark tank, if those sharks wore pinstripe skirts and bowties. It would be a feeding frenzy. But this overlap between insidious subterfuge and literal bullets and bombs only mirrored the haze descending on the rest of his muddled, frenzied, sad little life, 

So she left, and he hugged her, then cried, then he went and built a better suit.

It was okay after a while. JARVIS was always there, and frankly, some days wouldn't have lead to new ones if J hadn't been there. Been his rock.

"J-Ja-ay," Tony slurred his words, glass shaking slightly. Whiskey splashed the rim and dripped onto the already stained carpet.

Silence.

Oh, that's right.. no more JARVIS.

 _'Right,'_  Tony thought to himself,  _'How many have I had?'_

Hazily he could recall maybe eight glasses of liquor. Nothing fancy, it was all straight and whatever was in the nearest bottle. Was eight too many?

"S-s'aah, be f'ne," Tony hiccuped, reaching to pour himself another glass.

He misjudged the distance, however, and slipped in a recent spill. Landing facedown, Tony groaned, vision blurring.

 _'Fuck.'_  He thought.  _'I'm drunk.'_

Struggling to get up, Tony wiggled on his stomach, crawling towards a bar stool before coming to lean against it, panting.

_'Never mind.. this is comfortable..'_

**Why**  had JARVIS left him?

"Why.." Tony whimpered into the carpet.

Had he been a bad creator? Had he hurt J's feelings? Probably. Tony always did that sort of shit. Made people cry and then abandon him. Or run from him. Or die. Wasn't uncommon for it to be all three. (Looking at you, nameless, faceless, innocent civilian lives...)

"J-JARVIS, buhddy," Tony croaked.

"Sir?" FRIDAY questioned.

Everything slowed down for a second.

"JARVIS?" Tony whispered.

"JARVIS is not here, sir," FRIDAY replied quietly.

Tony screamed. He screamed and he thrashed, crying into the filthy carpet. He drooled on himself and choked up, crying like he had when he was still too small to understand why the real Jarvis had also left him.

"Sir, if I ca-"

Tony choked. "Fuck off, FRIDAY..just.. you aren't JARVIS." It came out bitter, like some scathing and morbid joke. 

It hurt. It hurt to even think- his only real friend; therapist, mentor, apprentice, his fucking everything was gone. He'd been given a body but it was like he was dead.

What kind of fucking sick god thought it would be funny to take his Jay away? Is this how mourning mothers feel? But then he had to stop. He couldn't think about it. He didn't want to, it made him feel like he was back in that awful cave in Afghanistan..

And then of course, he'd hurt FRIDAY.

"FRIDAY?" Tony whispered.

Silence.

So Tony lay face down, sobbing silently, and wondered once again why he had to wake up in the morning.

~

•insp• from [superhusbands4ever](http://superhusbands4ever.tumblr.com/) [post](http://superhusbands4ever.tumblr.com/post/166681294584/insp)


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